The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football

Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!

Did you know . . .

Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)

The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)

The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.

This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen. 

“I love Dan Patrick. I love his hair. I love his laugh. Heck, I love his musk . . . and now, I love his writing. No one is better equipped to blend humor with weird fun facts about the NFL than Dan Patrick. I repeat, no one. AND IF YOU DISAGREE I WILL FIGHT YOU!!”

—Will Ferrell

“If you’re a football fan, you need to have this book. You can read about the historic, iconic moments, as well as the obscure ‘who cares’ moments. And it’s done in a funny, enlightening way by one of my favorite people, Dan Patrick. It’s the perfect gift.”

—Tony Dungy, former NFL defensive back and head coach
 
“Talk about your perfect match: One of the greatest sports media interviewers and storytellers of all time has written a book about the NFL, the greatest narrative-generating machine in American sports history.”

—Rich Eisen, sports broadcasting legend
 
“I never learned so much and at the same time absolutely nothing at all. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has empty shelf space that would look just a little bit better if it displayed a book carrying the name of one of America’s broadcasting icons.”

—Mike Florio, creator of ProFootballTalk
 
“Only Dan Patrick can tackle the NFL in this way—with his trademark irreverence, wit, and institutional knowledge of the game—to produce this most entertaining and fun book, a must read for DP fans past, present, and future.”

—Andrea Kremer, Pro Football Hall of Fame journalist
 
“Dan Patrick is a mentor, leader, and friend.”

—Rodney Harrison, two-time Super Bowl Champion